As you may have noticed we have not blogged about our adoption in a while. Quite honestly it is because there is nothing to report. We are just waiting. Waiting is not an easy thing to do. Our agency recently changed the official wait times from 3 – 9 months to 6 – 12 months, and, of course, that can change again and is more likely to get longer than shorter. I am fully expecting our wait to be around the 12 month time frame. We have a long wait ahead of us, so I ask for your prayers for patience. Right now I feel a peace about our wait (most of the time anyway). I know we will become parents in God’s perfect timing. There are days when I am anxious, but overall I am at peace. I am also comforted by the fact that God knows my children and everything about them. I know it will happen and I know it will be a joyous day when it does.
I realized that I have been protecting my heart by not thinking much about our future with our children. I have not been very open or excited lately when it comes to discussing our adoption. Some people might think that is strange, but as much as I would love to tell everyone all about our journey, plan for their arrival, get the nursery finished, and picture us doing activities with them, I just can’t. It would be too painful. I do think about them everyday. I wonder if they are born, what their lives are like if they are born, if they are little boys or little girls, what they look like. They are always on my mind, but in a more distant sort of way.
I also feel a little selfish and sad, because it feels like I am waiting on a child to become an orphan. I am waiting for someone other than me to experience a great loss. I am not actually hoping for a child to become an orphan, but if it does happen I would love to be their mom.
Don’t mess with mommy has a great post on this subject.
The reality of adoption is that it’s about loss. A birthmother loses her child. A child loses his birth family. He loses his country. His language. His name. Everything that looks, sounds, feels, tastes, and smells familiar.
Why then are we moving forward? It’s a question always on my mind. The answer is simple: there are children in the world who need homes. We have a home and the desire to parent a child. So we move forward humbly and with the understanding that we are accepting an incredible gift, and with it incredible responsibility.
What an incredible gift it is! I am thankful each and every day for this opportunity, this experience, the pain and the joy.