I could not have said those words a month or two ago. I was not thankful at all, I was done, I wanted to be a mom and that was it. I have spent a lot of time reflecting lately on my life, the wait, and who I am. I was the person who never really knew what they wanted to be when they grow up, I said I wanted to be several things, teacher, marine biologist (you can be one in Arizona right?), scientist, professional football player, lawyer, and many other things have crossed my mind. I never had a strong desire to have a professional career, all I knew was I wanted to be a mom. I have spent the last couple years of my life waiting for that to happen, forgetting that I have a life right NOW, just waiting for my life as a mom to start, because that would bring me the ultimate in fulfillment. I have come to the realization that living a life just waiting for my future isn’t all that great, not that the future won’t be great, but just focusing on that and nothing else isn’t the most fulfilling way to live. I have been focusing more on living in the moment, living for each day, and learning to enjoy what I am passionate about. I realized that I have grown quite a bit in the last couple of years and that I really like the person I am becoming. I am not trying to boast about how wonderful I am, if you know me really well, you would know I struggled with liking me (I think a lot of women do, but I could be wrong).
I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to wait and learn so much more about myself. I have been given the opportunity to develop passions that I did not know I had, passions for cooking, baking, gardening, and the environment. I have learned that I can be fulfilled and content without being a mom, of course, that would bring fulfillment and contentment to my life also, plus great joy, but for now I am going to enjoy the wonderful life I do have, right here, right now, and I will move on to the next chapter when the time comes.
Misty also wrote a great post on joy and waiting this week (then she got her referral two days later, go figure).
No I did not write this post in hopes of getting a referral, I just wanted to share my thoughts. 😉